Decision-making and Pete Rose Haircuts

Where'd ya get the Pete Rose Haircut?

Seriously, this is why you can't have yes men in your crew. Don't you think maybe just once someone should have been like "Uh, Pete, maybe you should take a little off around the ears. Additionally, you may want to consider having your barber actually cut INTO your hair instead of just around the outside of it." Then again, maybe he was hiding HGH in there and had to make sure that no one found them. Shit, anything would make sense other than him just picking that cut for aesthetic purposes. I mean, Jesus, he looks like the missing link or a member of the 70s porn actor guild. Either way, for another hilarious Pete Rose anecdote, follow this link: http://watchfamilyguyonline.org/movie/60-Family_Guy_422_Sibling_Rivalry.html and fastforward to 5:35. I've seen it a good eight thousand times and it still gives me a laugh. Amazing.

Sometimes people just make bad calls and then stick to them for no apparent reason. There's probably about a million of these, but I'll give you some truly horendous decisions in the past few decades or so:

- Michael Jackson's 51,000 nose jobs and continous skin-lightening. You think maybe Mike would have faired better if Tito would have kept his nose out of the scarface for like 10 minutes and slapped Mike around a bit in 1989 when he started looking more like Elizabeth Taylor than a black kid from Gary. But no, ya just couldn't do that, could ya Tito?

- Mark Cuban's continuous desire to where tight Mavericks Tees and dusty denim to all the games. Ok, we get it. You're a fan. But for God's sake, put on a tie once a year and pull yourself together. Do you think a guy in a tie would yell obseneties at Kenyon Martin's mother? I mean, this is not really the guy you want to pick on; he's fourth in line for entrance at R. Kelly's "Psychos Only Party" behind Mike Tyson, Dick Cheney, and Mel Gibson.

- Anorexia. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but seriously just stop deciding not to eat. I can already here the cry of the hippies: "It's a desease! They can't help it!" Well, being a sexual predator is a disease too, but we don't condone that. So I'm sick of letting this one slide. Go to the store, pick up a Lean Cuisine TV Dinner, swoop a romantic comedy, and go home and get filthy. There's no reason you need to be walking around here weighing 87 lbs when there are plenty of people in 3rd world countries who have similar builds through no choice of their own. It was one bad decision that spiraled into madness, so knock it off.

- Skinny Jeans on dudes. Now I thought we got over this one, I thought the 90s and early part of the new milenium put it to rest, but I was wrong. There's a reason they call them stranglers: your balls can't breath and you catch a mean back knee rash every time you sit down (not to be confused with Bacne of the JJ Reddick variety). I'm convinced that this, too, soon shall pass. And it can't come soon enough.

- That Big Mac guy on Supersize Me. If you don't know about this dude, let me enlighten you. His name is Don Gorske and he's from Wisconsin. This motherfucker ate a Big Mac one day in 1972 and decided it would be a good idea to turn his whip around on the way home and buy 3 more. It didn't stop there, he bought 6 more later that day and has been smashin' ever since. According to his own claim, he's eatin' 23,000 Big Macs in his lifetime and the sandwhich constitues over 90% of his food intake. Re-he-heally? Let's say you've had 1,000 Big Macs in your lifetime (which, unless you're a psycho, you haven't) you'd have to eat one for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day until July 11th, 2029, to pass this guy for total Big Macs eaten. And that's assuming he doesn't eat another one until then - which I can't imagine happening. Now, don't you think maybe someone, anyone, should have walked up to this guy at some point about 20 years ago and said, "Dude, maybe switch it up every now and then. Here's an apple and some water, get the fuck to the crib immediately and don't you dare stop at a Crack Donzo's on the way home."

The point here is that everyone, once in a while, needs to step back and think, "hmmmmmmmm, maybe I should chill out with this one." And it helps if you have someone around that will tell you that you're being an idiot and point you in the right direction.